DEXA Bone Scan
Went in for my diagnostic mammogram and DEXA bone scan today. They took me into the bone scan room first. I removed my flip-flops and tucked them under the chair to jump up onto the scanner. When I was done, I slipped my flip-flops back on and right next to them, practically touching the flip-flops was a quarter. I know it wasn’t there before. I don’t carry cash, so it didn’t fall out of my purse.
I had a blind sister who had past away three years previous. She absolutely loved quarters. So I believe she was letting me know that she and my mother were with me.
The Mammogram
After the DEXA scan, they took me to the lockers where I changed into a medical gown. Then I proceeded to the waiting room. After a while, they finally took me back to get the mammogram. Since this was a diagnostic mammogram order, I had to remain in the waiting room until the radiologist had reviewed the mammogram. About a half-hour later, they called me back to do an ultrasound on my right breast. I knew they had found something concerning.
The Ultrasound
During my ultrasound, the lump that I had found measured 2.2 cm. She also found an inflamed lymph node deep under my right breast which measured 1.5cm. She took a picture of that and of the lump that I had found. The image below gives you an idea of how large these lumps are.
I then had to wait another half-hour for the radiologist to review the ultrasound images. This time, they did not put me in the waiting room. They kept me in the ultrasound room. I had a hunch that it was probably positive for cancer at this point. When the radiologist doctor came into the room, it was written all over his face. I knew I had cancer. He told me that we needed to schedule a double biopsy ASAP and asked if I could come back that afternoon to do so. Of course, feeling that I did have cancer, agreed to come in and do the biopsy.
After the appointment, I went to my car and cried. I knew I had to let it all out before I went back home to my children and put on an “everything is normal” brave face, because it still could be nothing. Positive thinking right?
The Biopsy
I was nervous the rest of the day waiting for this biopsy appointment to come. I should have done my research on biopsies and whether to do them or not, but I was too emotionally distrait to think about that. There was no getting any work done either so I just cleaned to get my nervous energy out.
I went back to the same place this afternoon and they explained the procedure to me. They had to go in through the side of my cleavage to get to the lump that was just on top of my nipple. I thought this was insane since they had to damage over 3″ of my breast to get to a lump that was just right below the skin!
Then they had to go under my armpit to get the deep hidden lymph. This was the most painful procedure think I’ve ever had. They stick a 2 1/2 inch tube from the side of my cleavage to the lump then proceed to take some sort of pressure gun that sounds like your piercing your ears and put it into the tube to get to the the lump then he took three tissue samples from each. Three snaps of the ‘gun’ and try not to flinch!
My body was shaking so bad. I couldn’t stop shaking and hold really still. This felt really wrong and damaging to my body. I was questioning the decision to get biopsies immediately and was trying not to cry. I had to visualize my happy place. I had to visualize myself floating in my pool, face up, with the sunshine warming my face, my ears in the water so there’s no sound and I could just hear myself deep breathing. That worked and I started to calm down and my body stopped shaking. All I could think of was, “I hope they didn’t just spread this.”
After they took six tissue samples, they then clipped tiny titanium surgical metal clips to each lump. I was not happy about putting metal into my body, and let them know that. He explained that the titanium clips help mark the lumps that have been biopsied already. This way, if they are benign, they won’t biopsy them again, and if they need to be surgically removed the surgeon knows exactly which two lumps to remove. Since I was already pretty traumatized, I didn’t argue, although I probably should have. I just let him put those in my body.
I think a huge life lesson for me is learning to stand up for myself, especially if my intuition is screaming at me not to do something and I let people talk me into it anyway. I have always allowed people to push me around, and walk all over me like a doormat. I am an extreme people pleaser and having to stand up to authority has always intimidated me.
Post-biopsy Mammogram
After the procedure was finished, they took me back into the mammogram room and scanned me again to make sure the titanium clips were in place. I was a bit upset by this because they had just did another ultrasound to make sure they were in place, and took picture of the clips by ultrasound. This 2nd mammogram seemed absolutely unnecessary to me it was extremely painful. The nurse that was doing it could not get a picture of the very deep lymph and tried five or six times. All I could think of was the radiation going into my body and how badly I wanted this appointment to be over. I should have told her enough, I’m done and left.
I once again, went out to my car and cried. I knew I had to let it all out before I went home. Your mind can’t help but go there. The place that it should not go. And I had to let it. Once I had gone there, I could cry it all out, then I felt myself pull my mind back up into the moment and remembered that I have the knowledge, the experience, and the tools to beat this.
