Planned a Fun Getaway to Get Our Minds Off it
Knowing that the diagnosis may be positive, I planned an overnighter with my husband, Adam, in a nearby town and with some friends to hike, spend some time in nature and attend a comedy show to get our minds off of it and laugh. Having something planned to look forward to and spending some alone time with Adam so we could talk about it was the best thing I’ve done so far.
Keeping it Secret
I still wasn’t ready to tell anyone about the diagnosis until after the oncologist visit. I wanted to find out more information, such as what type, what stage, how serious it is, so I knew the answers when people asked question about it. I didn’t feel it was too serious, but the only thing that concerned me was that it was in a lymph.
Keeping it secret from friends that know you well was difficult. My friend noticed right away that I was not myself. She offered me some snacks for the hike, but I told her I couldn’t eat any of that. She asked what was going on, I told her I didn’t want to tell anyone yet, but she guessed it right away. She asked, “Do you have the same thing your mom had?”
We went on a hike to get out into nature and she stayed with me while the guys went ahead. I was extremely slow due to the low calorie fruit & vegetable diet I was on with very little protein and carbs, so no energy to burn. We talked and it was actually nice to get it out and confide in someone other than my immediate family.
Too Winded to Continue
Only a quarter of the way in, I got extremely winded. I’ve never been this winded before on a hike or doing any kind of exercise, really, so I was a bit concerned. I had to stop and breathe really deep to catch my breath. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I thought I was going to have a heart attack! I knew I shouldn’t continue on, so I told our friends and Adam to continue on without me. Of course, Adam chose to stay with me. He helped me get to some shade and gave me some water.
After I caught my breath, I wanted to go find a great spot to wade my feet in the water and cool down more. I love the water. It really connects me to mother Earth and gives me peace. We slowly walked down to the stream and found a great place with shade to wade my feet.
Much Needed Talk
I believe everything happens for a reason. Now that Adam and I were alone, we had a chance to truly talk. It was nice to actually talk about it, cry a little and connect on a deeper level. I was able to reassure him that I really do got this. I told him my plan to heal myself naturally, no matter what the oncologist says. He told me that he supported whatever decision I made, which made me feel extremely grateful to be with someone that supported me no matter what.
That has to be extremely scary for him, someone who believes in Western Medicine whole-heartedly to hear that his love refuses to be treated by the medical system. Adam and I were dating when my mother was diagnosed. He watched her go through chemo and radiation, so we do have that in common. We know what it’s like getting medical treatment. We watched it. I believe that is why he handled hearing my decision and respected it.
Eating Out
After the hike, we went to a pizza place. This was extremely difficult since I was on day 31 of my new diet, except now, I wasn’t eating anything with the fruits and veggies. No butter, no salad dressing, just raw, plain, organic and fresh as possible.
Everyone ordered delicious foods, but I just kept telling myself that I’d rather be here than eat that food. I ordered what looked like a good salad with lettuce, cucumber, and cherry tomatoes, but when it came out, it was just a huge bowl full of lettuce. Not much veggie variety at all. I then realized I probably won’t eat out until this is all healed. It just wasn’t worth it! I paid $8 for a salad that was basically a head of lettuce. I couldn’t have any dressing because it’s full of sugar and other processed chemicals, so I just ate it plain.
Some of the group ordered wings which came with carrots and celery, so I asked if I could have those. They were more than happy to give that good, healthy stuff to me! People kept sharing and offering me food. I had to keep passing.
My friend, who knew, asked if there was anything I could eat. I told her I was just fine with the salad, no big deal. I think people were catching on that something was up.
The Word Was Out
Later that evening another friend came up to Adam and asked what was going on with me, because of my exhaustion on the hike, and the weird food choice for me at dinner, so he told him. I’m sure it was good for him to have someone to talk with about it as well. And with that, the word was out. Everyone knew before the comedy show started and were very sad, another reason I didn’t want to tell anyone yet. I was there to get my mind off it and have fun!
Choosing a comedy show was the smartest thing! We all had a very fun evening visiting with friends and watching the really good comedy show. I sure needed that laugh!
Another Lesson is Presented
Then, another one of my lessons presented itself. There was an after party that was loud and long. Around 11pm, I told Adam that I didn’t see this ending anytime soon and we could hear it plain as day in our room. I told him that I needed to take care of my body right now, and I needed my sleep. There is no way I would have done this in the past-pay $125 for a room and not use it and just go home and ditch our friends. I was really proud of myself for putting myself first, over money and friends. I asked Adam to take me home and we left. I was extremely proud of myself for taking care of myself and putting myself first.
I believe I may have many lessons I will learn and need to go through to help heal. It will be an interesting journey to find out what they are and learn to overcome them.
